Archive for All in a day’s work

Just shoot me

{ February 5, 2008 @ 9:10 am } · { All in a day's work }
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Please, somebody, anybody put me out of my misery. I know there’s a big support group out there of people who hate their jobs and I’m sure that group is subdivided based on the level of job hatred but whichever category you fall in, I just want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms and empathizing with my pain. For those of you who love your jobs…good for you, at least those of us ‘slumming’ in standardized societal slavery have something to look forward to.

I have to admit there are many good things about my job – I know this because I have to dwell on them to get through the day. Unfortunately, once the work day is over I have to force myself not to get depressed that I’ll just be back tomorrow. Like I said…my job has its good points:-

1. It gives me money
2. I have really good work friends
3. I learn something I didn’t know the day before
4. It’s giving me a good life experience
5. I’m not spending my days bumming (which really is not as much fun as its made out to be)
6. I’m not spending the day cooped up in my house with my mother having my sanity abused and holding on to dear life
…I could go on but only because I am desperately seeking solace as to the absolute anguish which is my quest to professional advancement.

The worst thing about my job is that (and I will readily admit this) ‘I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING’. Granted its a fairly new job and the dynamics change all the time but I honestly haven’t a clue. And i say this because even when i ‘THINK’ I have a clue, that clue gets rip to shreds and I’m left standing in the middle of a dessert trying to make glass out of the millions of sand grains lying around me.

For the past two weeks I’ve been trying to correct my on the job errors, the problem is – I don’t think I’m any closer than when I first began. There are so many little things; its like trying to put together 50 ’1000′ piece abstract puzzles and have them all magically fit together, not to mention so that everyone gets the same meaning from it as you do.

Can you imagine that!?! It’s crazy; It’s preposterous; It’s bound to make anybody lose their mind, question their self worth and doubt their learning ability all in one thought stream.

I’ve already imagined them firing me, by the way. At least I know, if it happens…I can say I saw it coming.

Ignorance is… a real bitch!

{ October 31, 2007 @ 2:01 am } · { All in a day's work }
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Life can be “funny” sometimes, and for me one of those times was today. Now, you should note, when I speak of “funny”, I’m not talking about the “ha-ha” variety. Ohhh noooo, I’m more referring to the “You’ve got to be kidding me, this is not my life” kind of funny. Oh yeah, you’re familiar with it. Awesome. Now that we have some kind of fraternity going on here, I can tell you about my day.

Today. I was scared shitless. Yes. Shitless. Does that mean i was constipated? Yes … some sort of way. Literal constipation? Possibly, i mean i need to drink more water, but you know my office is an icebox and you never really feel thirsty, plus i haven’t been eating much vegetables, you know? Roughage? Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Right. Shitless.

You know the kind of fear you experience where in that moment every utterance that leaves your lips come out in a nervous,  shaky mumble. Yeah that was me today. Not my finest moment, but hey, we all have em. Luckily for me, I think mine was more all in my head. Does that mean to say, I hide my feelings very well? I suppose you could say that. Or maybe the fact that I THINK nobody saw my debilitating fear is …all in my head. Whichever one, I don’t know. All i know is, whoever said “ignorance is bliss”, really did not consider the fact that when something is thrust upon you and YOU KNOW that YOU DON’T KNOW diddly squat to even remotely complete such an activity, which if goes awry can cause a lot of problems for other people… Yeah that feeling isn’t bliss. I think i would know. Not that I’ve experienced bliss, but I’ve heard people talk and what i felt today was not even remotely blissful. Not even.

I mean, sure, all i had to do was reconfigure some server, migrate some data …yadi, yadi, yada. Sure it sounds simple when I say it, but since my brain conveniently forgot all that technical mumbo jumbo i heard today, i think it best I try not to remember.

I mean this is my first “real” job (post college) and this is not even my job function! Its just something for me to do to pass the time. I mean seriously, you put an ignorant person (me!-meaning that I don’t have the necessary knowledge on that particular topic, not that i am a total idiot!!) in charge of all that data and things could get really bad, really fast.

But….kudos to me. I accepted the challenge (amidst my fear and trembling). I figure it’s a good learning experience. Right? Right? Yeah, I thought so.. So i thought about this saying…

There’s a difference between a failure… and a fiasco.

A failure is simply the non-presence of success. Any fool can accomplish failure.

But a fiasco… A fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others… that makes other people feel more alive… because it didn’t happen to them.

– Drew Baylor, Elizabethtown

I figure, you only live once. If i don’t even “attempt to try”, I’ve already failed. Plus, now i have the opportunity to create a fiasco. A real, true, honest to God fiasco. That way i can look back at this moment and not be steeped in regret for not taking chances on myself. Instead i will be proud of myself; for either trusting myself and getting the job done or making the biggest mess of things i would have ever made in my 23 years of existence on this earth.

Yeah, what a comforting thought.

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